I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
