She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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