did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
