I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There r osticjed everywhere
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
