I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
