Define "chronic" masturbator.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
