apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
