in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
