Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
