I could have mohawked her pubes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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