i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
