Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
