Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
