Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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