She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
