Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
