Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Damn victory sex feels great
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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