The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
