i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
