you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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