I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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