Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
