This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
