her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
