Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
