hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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