You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
