Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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