Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
