after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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