hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
