There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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