I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
