"it" just moved
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
