he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am naked and annoyed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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