Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
