i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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