a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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