meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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