Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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