I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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