he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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