Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
