it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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