she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
