She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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