Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
