dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
