You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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