why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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