so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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