And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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