tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My pussy is not your playground.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
