I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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