I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I want is dick and wine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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