So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
