you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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